Dear Broke Diary:

This senior citizen guy who lives in my building says he hasn't been smelling my good cooking lately.

I tell him how broke I am.

He looks over the top of his glasses and sees my sad, emaciated eyes staring back at him.

He reaches into his wallet. I object, but he insists.

He pulls out some purple money. I'm thinking it's like a Jamaican dollar bill...but it's a damn food stamp! No joke, y'all. Old brother gave a sister a food stamp.

As wild as that was, you know I wasn't letting that $5 go to waste. Plus, old man schooled me that if I spend $4.01, I get 99 cents in real money back!!!

Man, I spend like an hour in Thriftway (our neighborhood supermarket) trying to manipulate my purchases so they'll be $4.01 exactly. I get to the front of the long-ass line and go to give the cashier my stamp of life, and she starts frowning.

"You know I can't accept that without a booklet." "Booklet?" I'm thinking sis wants a bible tract or something. I am all confused until this little blond-haired lady behind me whips out a "booklet" from her back pocket.

"Theees! Theees ez uh booook-lett!"

Damn, a person not from the United States had to school me on what a Government Food Stamp booklet was. I start walking out of the store really quickly.

I hear in the wind as I am crossing the automatic door threshold - "Food Stamp void on 6".

Damn.

Hungry,
Ang

(If you're thinking about buying the book...
I'll color copy a five dollar foodstamp for you if you order it now).
(Sorry, can't help you if your state now uses the electronic food stamp system.)
(Dear FBI people: I am joking. I don't even have a color copier.)